Greetings and salutations!
Yes, both are necessary.
First, and apology to Lauren for abandoning her wonderful blog. I haven't had much time to blog since I stopped classes. (Figure that one out...) We still need a phone call!!
Second, I am supposed to call China for Maura to tell them to stop winning so many gold medals. Since I don't have China in my top 5 friends in my cell plan, I'll have to use the old-fashioned way: the internet.
Dear Country of China, Chinese Affiliates, Athletes, etc.,
Over the past several days we have noticed that you excel in athletics. This came as a surprise to many Americans because we usually buy inferior products with your name on them, and therefore assumed that your country was inferior. However, this is obviously not the case.
Your performance in a multitude of sports has greatly surpassed our highest achievers, a feat of which you should be very proud. However, we, America, have a fragile ego. If you keep winning, we might cry, maybe even become bitter.
Therefore, I propose that in order to keep international relations at their peak, you should stop winning so many gold medals. I know we have already threatened to stop purchasing your products, and we probably offend you in more ways than we can imagine, but we implore you to take the gold medal in Courtesy. Stand aside and allow the Americans to win. We've already lost our respect with most of the world. Can't we at least get a hand-out from you?
Sincerely,
Those who are sad about losing a lot
1 comment:
I was wondering where you've been. I miss you. I'm calling you soon. Probably tonight. That might happen. I'm just saying.
As for China--I KNOW! Have you seen their gymnasts, though? Jeez, those guys are more muscle than Superman.
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