Thursday, July 23, 2009

Plenty of Fish, Part Deux

There are several ways to fish.

First, there's the basic search, which is by city or region. It basically lets one choose male or female, an age range, and a distance from the epicenter (aka... the person who wants a date). Find matches and see who comes up.

Then there's the advanced search. This allows the person to choose race, religion, smoking preferences, children, etc. It narrows down the field a whole lot. In the case of someone like me, who is looking for a Christian, it weeds out all those whom I wouldn't even have a chance with, and vice versa.

There are two other interesting options. First is by chemistry. It matches your entrance quiz answers with those of others, trying to match compatibility that way. Apparently the whole idea of these quizzes is to match compatibility, and then if that's there, chemistry. Pretty decent method if you ask me. eHarmony is really cashing in on that one.

The other search mode is "find someone like..." Basically, if you find someone who is interesting, but for some reason you're not interested enough, or you just want more people like that, you can click that option. The benefit is that you are able to find people that don't seem to come up on the normal search. On the flipside, when you use this function it tends to throw out some of the essentials (i.e. religious preference, children, etc.).

These are all the methods you can use to search on PoF. Next time, communication!

7 comments:

erin said...

I suppose the good part about online dating is that you already know they are available and looking. But the tricky part is you don't get to use the excuse that your already in a relationship when you meet them and don't like them. :)

Then again, with online dating, you probably won't be meeting them unless you have a little bit of liking.

I'm with the Matt though, I'd much rather have a better story of how I met them then online dating. My curiousity has not won me over yet.

But good luck to you none the less.

Adam said...

Do you think this creates a me-centered, commoditized approach to people (or relationships)? I'm not judging, or can't, since I've done online dating myself, but I'm just now thinking about what the form communicates.

The other question for me is, presuming that "chemistry" or compatibility is based on how similar two individuals are, "Does this feed a narcissistic impulse?" That is, why wouldn't I love someone who is like me? After all, I love me. So in loving someone like me, am I just extending my love for me?

I don't think you devalue people or that you're any more narcisstic than the rest of us. I'm just asking what message the medium communicates.

Dan said...

Erin - Thankfully, I'm not in it for a good story of meeting. I'd rather have a good story from that point on.

Adam - Oh you and your McLuhan.

I don't see it any different than trolling the supermarkets, churches and clubs. The only difference is the venue. For most, it's appearance based, followed by common interests and general attractiveness/chemistry. Maybe I don't get what you're saying by "commoditized," but I think my answer is "no."

The second one, when the site refers to "chemistry," it is based on similar values more than similar interests. You can love whoever you want, but it is much easier to be "in love" with someone who shares your values. I don't think that's narcissistic; I think it's sensible and realistic.

Viewtiful_Justin said...

That's interesting, and the comments, too. I love a good discussion!

I look forward to your updates.

Lauren said...

Oh McLuhan - we comm nerds LOVE him.

I hate to say it, but I'm actually with you on this one, Dan - which is a bummer, 'cause I'm totally in the mood to debate something this morning. I don't think online dating as a medium communicates any different message than a "real life" medium. You're still gonna' judge people the same way: if you think they're cute, if you have things in common, etc. You just get to wade through a lot of the information BEFORE talking to them in person.

At least, that's my understanding... as someone who really doesn't know much about online dating... or dating in general... ;)

Adam said...

I definitely do see similarities between online dating and real life. Maybe that means our real life attitudes and approaches need to change too.

But with online dating when you have a bunch of prospective women all laid out in front of you like heads of lettuce, doesn't that treat them just like another item you can shop for?

By contrast, do we really approach a social event where we could meet someone the same way we approach shopping? I don't. In the social scenario, you can't just hand select the best looking head of lettuce. It's more complicated than that. So our attitude and approach is different.

But the way online dating is set up (the medium), that complexity is simplified and you can choose the finest head. If our attitudes and approaches change because of the medium we are functioning in, then that does mean something. Those differences shape us, and that means something.

Chris Hall said...

Serious as this discussion back and forth has been, I'd like to include a youtube video for your viewing pleasure.

Not exactly the best head of lettuce but entertaining for sure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdiz0k0Rudw