For the first time in a long time, it's easier for me to write what I want to say than speak what I want to say. It's not that it's an emotional topic. It's that my throat is killing me. Talking leads to coughing, leads to breathing, leads to hurting. So, here we go. On the keyboard.
I've had, for the longest time, the longest list of things I was looking for in a girl. Adam once gave the Four S's:
Smart
Sexy
Sense of Humor
Spiritual
Those were good. Then Matt added the fifth necessary S:
Single.
Those would seem like enough, right? Well, I decided I needed to add some more to fit my own liking:
Singer
Songwriter
Short
Short hair
Sips tea over coffee
Socks aren't the kind with the little toes on them...
It got kinda ridiculous. But, really, I'm pretty picky. All my friends know it. It's so much the case that I think I could, with my prior criteria, exclude even the perfect girl.
Recently, I came up with new criteria. It sprung up on me. I didn't even look for it, I just realized it to be true. Instead of looking for all of these little details, potentially excluding, well, everyone, I decided to come up with a much more inclusive criteria. One thing:
Someone I want to do life with.
There have been many times when a girl I wasn't instantly attracted to became cute to me after knowing her for a while. Or her sense of humor came out with time. Or she only owned that one pair of toe socks (which freak me out). Regardless of the initial attraction in any sense,
I've always had a decent sense of who I want to spend more time with. And I think that's a good thing.
So, for all of you who are too picky, maybe you can join me in this new paradigm. Forget the details (while remembering your non-negotiables, which should be few), and think broad.
I mean, who doesn't want to meet someone they can just do life with?
15 comments:
I read you on that brother. I figure if God wants me procreate then He is going to she me that amazing woman. If not then the world will weep at the loss of such great genetic material
man i fail at english.
Matt's crazy. You can't leave everything to God. Otherwise you'll miss what He sends because you weren't looking for it.
And I much prefer your idea of someone to live life with rather then being sent to "procreate". Lol. I like you Matt, whoever you are. You're funny.
P.S. Everyone has a picky list/wish list. It's the things outside your list that you can still find endearing that make things sticky. As in, they're the only one you would love that quality in, just because it comes with them.
My list includes:
Funny
Will sing to my children
Likes to make pancakes
Has a general weakness for me
Responsible and carefree
Good hair
Great smile
Sparkling eyes
etc.
etc.
etc.
It can get ridiculous.
And I'm sorry your sick ... again. You seriously need to stop making out with strangers.
Matt - if you die with no progeny, I'll take one of your fingers at the funeral and clone you. Don't worry. You won't go down without a fight!
Erin - Matt is crazy, yes. Crazy awesome!
It's so true that some things are cute just because they come as a part of a person. Reminds me of a lyric in one of my songs, "Do you imagine":
You don't know how much I think of you
If you knew you'd probably think me strange
What you don't like about yourself I'll think is cute
And wouldn't have you any other way
I think you're right with your new criteria, HOWEVER you can't know that instantly. You can't meet a person and within 3 minutes go "yes, she will have my babies." (Dear God I hope you don't ever think that of someone after 3 minutes.) So, you do have to get to know the person first. They might grow to be that someone perfect...even if they own a pair of toe socks.
(Side note: toe socks were perfect to wear to circus practices. Kept your feet warm, yet still able to grasp onto ropes!)
I used to have that whole list as well. The "what I want in a guy" list that was written in pencil because it changed so often. But, in the end, it came down to someone who I want to tell everything to. Someone I don't want to spend a day without. And, as wedding singer-y as possible, someone I want to grow old with.
Read my blog. I published it then saw yours! how funny.
I used to have a list that I wanted in a guy. And the I realized that perhaps instead of looking for what I want, maybe I need to look at who I am. For instance, wanting a guy who is spiritually strong, perhaps I should work on my own spriitual strength. I want a guy who cares about family. Perhaps I should work on caring for my family, etc.
Lauren - as always, you're right. I can't know within 3 minutes. And I would try... that's the sad thing. And then I'd be upset if after 3 minutes they showed no interest in me. I'd be like, "How dare she..."
"So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when you've had too much to drink"
Amber - That is such a good way to look at it. I had that type of revelation a while ago in a different way. Someone once said, "Think of the most perfect person for you. Now, why would they date you?" I resolved to work on the things that I was seeking, and was made all the better for it.
Now that I've done all the work, I just need a girl to appreciate it, lol. ;)
Is it weird that I never had a list? Oh sure, I've made up my fake future husband (that World Cup soccer player from the EU, who swing dances and teaches Sunday School in Africa when he's not too busy with Doctors Without Borders is still out there!), but in reality, I just leave it all up to God. He knows what I need WAY better than I do, so His list is superior to any one I could create.
Just send me a Christian guy who's seeking God wholeheartedly, and we're good to go...
lol, too flippin cute ;)
Anders - If I could sum up our conversations in a phrase, it'd be something like, "I have no idea what I'm doing. Good thing God does." And really, I can't blame ya. :)
Missy - Well, shucks!
word.
I think there's a fine line between being overly-picky, and just being smart. "Til death do us part" is a lonnnnng time and I think its important to hold out for that person that bears witness in your spirit...I think when you know you know. I think the right person is 1. loves you just as you are, wouldnt change a thing about you (realistically speaking, of course) but also 2. Brings the best out of you...and C. naturally fits you, contrasts and all.
yep. that's my take on it. and since im such an expert on relationships and stuff...err..eh, actually, scratch all of that. I dont know what the heck im talking about :-/
Jackie - I'd say you've got a pretty good take on it, even if you think you don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes finding what we don't want/need is what helps us realize what we do need.
Til death do us part is a long time. Unless a person dies early.
Hmmm.... if this was someone else's blog, I would delete that. But it's mine, so there it is.
Dan,
You're new take on your list is awesome...to be honest, I've been praying for you about this one for a while...I may have joked about you being picky before, but I am so excited to hear about the addition. You get it, and I think God is doing some pretty incredible things within you. I can't wait to see Him at work in some big ways!!
In the meantime, have you heard "One Sweet Love" by Sara Barailles?
Your summary: "I have no idea what I'm doing. Good thing God does."
My first reaction was to gasp and pretend to be offended. "I have SOME idea of what I'm doing."
Second reaction was to shrug and say, "Eh. Pretty much."
But it's more like, "Since I only have a vague notion of what I'm doing, I put all my trust in the Expert... and leave all the details to Him."
It's a little more faith-involved... and makes me sound less flighty and lame.
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