Risk-Relativity

Continuing with the relationship theme, here's a little quick note on risk-relativity.

Shoplifters have three points of hightened anxiety:

1. Entering the store
2. Concealing the product
3. Leaving the store

Similarly, I submit that there are three points of heightened anxiety when a person is trying to speak to an attractive person of the opposite sex:

1. First eye contact
2. Initiating conversation
3. Asking for contact information

The heightened anxiety seems unavoidable, and along with it come any combination of raised blood pressure, flush skin, profuse perspiration, shaking hands, passing gas and nervous, short piddles.

What can one do to calm down? I propose we look at the effect of risk-relativity. The reason a person suffers these symptoms is one cause: an acknowledgment of risk. The risk could be risking being rejected, risking looking stupid, risking spilling something on a stranger, etc. Most often, the risk is nothing more than losing a chance with the "mark."

We, then, may do well to acknowledge risk-relativity. We suffer symptoms in direct relation to the degree of risk we recognize. So, what can one do? I suggest that one can decrease one's anxiety level by decreasing the supposed risk involved.

How?

1. Be calm.

You're just going to talk to a person. People are allowed to have conversation. Really, you don't even know if your mark is worth continuing a conversation with. You think you're risking missing out on your next long-term relationship. Instead, take a deep breath and realize life happens a little bit at a time.

2. Be confident.

Sure, you might not be right for that person. In truth, they might not be right for you, either. Be confident that you are a unique combination of personality, looks, etc. that is looking for a complementary combination. Instead of risking you not being good enough, let go of the pressure to be anything but yourself. This takes the pressure off of you to "be the right one."

3. Have fun.

Make it a game. You're not out to set the rest of your life. You're out to have a good time, and so is everyone else. The risk here is that you won't be fun. People who are clearly comfortable are the most fun. So, calm down, be yourself, and have a good time. You'll be more fun to talk to if you're not concerned with impressing someone anyhow.