Sometimes you feel like a nut...

My daily experience with prayer is a lot like my daily experience with music.

By "daily experience" I am referring to my level of interest, motivation and/or commitment at any given moment. One day I could feel compelled to write music for 2 hours out of nowhere. Or I could be compelled to pray for a while about Sri Lanka or someone next door. Or I would rather sit in silence and not play guitar. Or do whatever and not have prayer on the top of my to-do list.

So I ask myself: Is the desire to pray a psychological phenomenon, like a desire for music? Is it simply a chain of synapses firing (or misfiring) in order to make me feel some spiritual connection?

For a rational like me, this is not an uncommon type of question. I am doubtful of many phenomenological experiences because, to some degree, I value empirical methods. I like to be able to see and touch and taste and feel what it is I am experiencing, if at all possible.

This obviously translates into greater questions like, "Is God real, or am I set up for belief in him because of my upbringing?" It's a good question to ask. Really, it is.

I have read more and more writing by atheists and agnostics, and they are always kind, never pushy. They often argue for understanding, which I greatly respect. I am also seeking greater understanding, from in- and outside of my own faith perspective.

While I don't have answers for all questions of atheists, agnostics, and other folk who don't believe in Jesus as God's revelation of himself, they don't have all the answers for me, either. So, stalemate.

Looking back to psychological phenomenons, I have to think that there is more going on in my life than sparks and wires crossing in my brain developing a faith that I can't fully explain. And the best I can do is point back to experiences where I have perceived something distinctly "other" pushing or pulling me into one direction or another for a task or moment that I could not have anticipated. These are the "ebenezers" that mark my faith journey, and that have brought me to here and now.

So, what about an in-and-out desire to pray? If we desire a home that isn't in this world (as C.S. Lewis might say), why isn't prayer an every-moment experience?

It's because there is no distinction between spiritual and "secular" activity. One minute I may want to play guitar. Another, pray. Maybe raise my hands in worship, take a nap, eat a bagel or meditate on the Psalms. It is all a part of life.

Feeling one way one moment and one way the next about prayer doesn't make a person less spiritual or faithful.

It just makes one normal.