One of the hardest things, I find, is to be honest with myself about my motives, the reasons for why I do things. When these get called into question, I usually end up getting inwardly tied up and frustrated. Today, presently, I am experiencing such tension.
For those who have been following along, you've journeyed with me as I have been exploring the online dating service PlentyofFish.com (PoF). It's a free site, which gives one the opportunity to try online dating with no financial risk. At first, it's quite addictive, though a week or so in you'll begin to see that you've found nearly everyone within 50 miles of you in your first week. Consequently, the addiction wears off.
True to my word, here are some personal experiences, and the culmination which explains the start of this post.
I was in conversation with two different people. We'll call them Melissa and Amy. Melissa had contacted me. I noticed we had a few things in common, including church, music, and being over drama. So, we talked a bit, connecting on a few of those items. After two weeks or so of that we decided to meet up for some disc golf or comparable outing.
Amy is one I had contacted. I thought she had a cute picture, and her profile had just enough connection points to figure it was worth a shot. We talked for about a week, at the end of which, she included her number and asked me to contact her this week.
I was going to go on the date with Melissa, and while I thought we had a few things in common, I didn't think we'd totally connect. A few months ago, I went on a similar date, one with little potential. A friend reminded me that I had decided afterward that if there didn't seem to be much potential in a relationship, I wasn't going to go on the date. Well, here I was in the situation, doing the exact opposite of what I decided I would do. So, I ended up canceling.
I not only canceled my date, I also canceled my PoF account, canceling Amy's number as well.
Why would I do such a thing?
It was totally a motive check. I had to ask myself, do I know what I'm looking for and am I ready for it? Or am I just a little bored because it's summer, so I'm looking for something to do? If it's the first, then that could work. If it's the second, I probably shouldn't be dragging someone along, leading to the inevitable DTR that I keep not wanting to have. For me, it's more the second than the first.*
For some people, I think the online thing is good. For me, right now, it's not the best option. I need to be in a place where I'm a little more sure of what I'm looking for, and why I'm looking for it.
Got any answers?
Go fish.
*There's more to it than what I've written, I just don't want to blog about it. Person-to-person I'll totally go into more detail.
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10 comments:
I think your decision is good in the end. You don't want to force something - even an online account.
And in the end..you can always make another facebook group to get a Valentine. :)
See you...in two weeks??
La - yea, forcing something is never good. And I'm working on an email to everyone for my next date. You'll have to be at the Aug 14 show at Austins to get that. ;)
See you soon!
Hm. That's an interesting way to do it. Did you inform the girls of your decision, or did you leave them to wonder?
I suppose meeting because you're bored isn't a great motive, to be sure. But who knows what could have developed...
VJ - I let one know. The other one is left to wonder. Which I feel bad about.
And I guess I'll never know what could have developed.
Unless I Facebook stalk her.
One could say, as far as fishing goes, you catch and release. ;)
Erin - I thought you were supposed to read me for wit. The tables have turned!
I have to say it sounds like a cop out. You know me well enough that I take extreme stands sometimes but really it is because I want to make sure I know what I am doing. It seems that boredom caused you to start something with serious potential and then quit because you did not fully engage the ramifications of that decision. I may die a bitter old curmudgeon but at least as a young curmudgeon I am not taking lightly the serious potentials that can start from relationships.
So I think it was silly to start online dating and then do what you did.
Matt - you may be right. And I can't argue, because you said curmudgeon.
oh dear, maybe it was for the best. There is no point trying to start any kind of new relationship if you don't know what you really want at the moment.
Do some soul searching and figure out what is you want, if you decide you want to be back in the race then sign up again
Julia - Thanks for the comments! And for sharing your positive experience. It's certainly not for everyone, and not for everyone at every time, but I'm glad it's for some!
Congrats to you and your other half - and your kid. :D
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