Teaching Worship?

I've got a lot to offer.

The Inciting Incident

I met a student at Trinity last week, a friend of a friend. We'll call her MJ. (Mostly because I'm watching Spider-Man.)

MJ: "I'm going to lead worship for the youth group at my church, and I have no idea what I'm doing!"

DL: "Well, if you need any help or insight, that's kinda what I've done for the past 8 years or so. I was a worship arts major, and I've led worship for all sorts of different events. Find me on Facebook if you want."

The Development

So, she found me on Facebook via our mutual friend and sent a message. It asked if I would be willing to show her some things, or give some tips. I thought to myself, "Self, there is so much that could be shared! Where should I start?" Instead of guessing, I decided to give her the options.

"Well, that's a hugely broad subject. There are plenty of smaller areas:

- What is/Why do we worship?
- planning a liturgy/service
- selecting music for a service
- finding new music
- leading a rehearsal
- leading a service
- developing a team
- musicianship, instrumentation and arranging (instrumental and/or vocal)


It's an overwhelming list, I know. There's always room to be a better worship leader, and always ways to grow.

Any of those particularly interest you? "

She picked a few, so I guess we'll start there. But it really got me thinking.

The Thinking

Is there a way I can assist several people in worship leadership? Is one-on-one the best way to go? Should I think about developing a format? Should I keep these thoughts on a blog?

Because I can't directly lead worship due to my voice, this indirect leadership may be something really great. (I was encouraged in this teaching route by Matt, and then really encouraged about indirect leadership by Dr. Colwill, how it's one way God enlarges our sphere of influence.)

Basically, I'm excited to move forward. I'm just not sure how to.

Thoughts?

The Flat Highlands of My Life

Or... "My Life Feels Plain"

Yesterday, while reading The Making of a Leader, I had words put to what I have suspected for a while.

I am a plateaued leader.

It happens to everyone at different stages. I guess I've hit mine. I feel like I'm not getting any better at, well, anything.

Again, this sounds so much more depressing than it actually is. Don't worry, I'm emotionally stable, and everything's good.

When do we stop getting better at things? Is it when the challenge is gone? Is it when no one is pushing us to do better? Is it when we have no desire to do better? Is it when we're tired of doing whatever it was we had been doing?

I'm sure it can be any or all of the above, and more.

I wonder if breaking through a weight-lifting, running, or dieting plateau has anything to say about breaking through a personal growth plateau.

Anyone have any experience in those?

Step Next

I'm joining many of you.

I'm glad to be. I know many of those who read this blog are in transition. I never realized it, but it's true. I don't know if it's the stage of life we're in, or maybe I attract transient folk. But there is transition in most people's lives.

Is it in mine?

Lately I've had this unsettling feeling of being, well, unsettled. It's not an emotional unsettling; I'm not worried about it. But I feel like things are changing.

To understand this feeling you'd have to have my history. Throughout my life there have been times where I started to feel disconnected from my current situation, only to find out soon after that I was to be somewhere else. It took me to Judson. To Northern. To new jobs. New churches. New places.

I'm having that feeling.

But, why? I'm not graduating for another year. My job is going okay. (I think... that's another post.) Although, realistically I don't know that my voice can handle the serving thing much longer. (I'm planning on seeing an ENT once this infection clears.) Living Hope still seems to be a good fit. The apartment works well here.

So... why this feeling of transition?

Maybe it's a longing for transition. I thought I would be done here a year ago. Instead I have a year to go. I don't mind, it's just not what I thought. And I can only serve tables for so long. The voice is a convenient excuse to push me on to other possibilities. What? I have no clue.

Maybe I'm ready for something different. For a change.

Or maybe I'm just jealous of all of you who are tossing in the uncertainties of life.

That's what I thought.

I'm not obsessed.

Really, I'm not. If I were obsessed, I'd be thinking about it all the time. But I don't. Just occasionally. Or even often.

But I think about it enough. Just enough, in fact, that I start to take the matter into my own hands.

At least I try.

The reality is, I'm just taking it into my own mind. The actual isn't meeting up with my ideal. In my head, my situation will change the more time I spend thinking about it, or the more energy I put into changing it. It makes sense, eh?

But there's a catch. (There's always a catch.) My future, the things that are going to happen in my life, the people I meet, places I end up, aren't determined by my volition. I can't will my future into existence. As much as I'd like to, it's just not going to happen.

So that leaves me to make a decision. My options are, keep on trying to control my future by thinking about it, looking incessantly for options, trying to control the situation. That sounds okay. I've done pretty well so far.

But the other option is to remember that my life is not entirely my own. A few years ago, I decided to put my trust in the God whom I believe to be the creator/sustainer of life. And even though I don't imagine the LORD of all creation is moving my life around like a chess board, I do believe that following my calling as a disciple of Jesus will lead me to the places, people and events I need to be a part of.

That's unsettling, because it's uncertain. How does it work? Where's the map? How will you know the landmarks?

I guess faith is more like a compass than a map.* It guides you in a direction, and you find out the landmarks on the way. The future is much more uncertain this way. Will there be a river? Waterfall? Lions? Killer bees? Lions with killer bees in their mouths so when they roar they shoot killer bees at you?** I have no idea.

But I do know the following:

I've never had a map before. And as I look back on the map I've made of the past, I've found myself in better places than I could have imagined.

Why stop now?

Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy strength I've come
And I know Thy hand will bring me safely to arrive at home.

*Borrowed from Jimmy Long, The Leadership Jump
**Adapted from The Simpsons

New Way to Be Human

So continues the saga.

I was made aware that my last post regarding my voice sounded a little more dismal than I intended. So, let me explain.

A part of my identity has been lost, in a way. It's part of my occupational identity; who I am because of what I do. It's like how I'm not Catholic anymore. It was such a part of me that there's a gap now that I'm not it. Now, I hope to sing again, so it's not as drastic, but I'm trying to analogize.

Just because I feel like I'm missing part of my identity doesn't mean I'm lost, or I don't know who I am, contrary to what I flippantly posted. I am confident in who I am as a person, as a child of God, as a student, etc. I just miss that part of me, and I'm not sure what to do when I'm not doing it. This past Sunday I played bass like a madman at church because I couldn't sing. My instrument became my voice. And I may have danced a little bit.

So, now I'm trying to find a new way to be me. New ways to fill this gap where my voice used to be. This weekend I'm supposed to lead worship at church, so I'm trying to figure out a way to do that. It's a really fun exercise. Most people who know me know that I love a good creative project. They probably also know my tendency to get great ideas and not follow through. That's okay. I relish in the creative process, not necessarily the follow through. I really am okay with that.

Thanks for all the concern, thoughts and prayers. It's crazy to throw something out on the internet and know people are reading, and caring. I know who I am.

I am loved.



And in case the title left you wanting it, here it is.

Hoping for Change

Her: Can you break a twenty?

Me: Sure as you can break a heart.

She smiles, thinking she heard me right, but not wanting to seem arrogant.

Her: Excuse me?

I act disinterested.

Me: I can definitely break your twenty.

She goes back to Iowa.

Quiet Confidence

It's been a month.

Maybe not exactly a month, but about. I've been without a voice for that long. I can speak fine, but singing is still a problem. I'm sure it doesn't help that I have a job where I need to incessantly talk over people, and that my recent cold has left me with a present case of bronchitis.

Feels like forever.

I've slowly been coming to terms with this fact:

I derive much of my confidence from singing.

Weird. I'm not the best singer in the world, but it's a huge part of my identity. As a worship leader, songwriter, and just singer in general, it's how I see myself. Moreso, in my mind, it's who I am.

But now I'm not.

This has taken its toll on my confidence. I was a singer, now I'm not. I was able to be up front and lead, now I can't. I used to be able to speak confidently, now I cough.

Oddly, in this same timeframe I've caught myself being a little more relaxed in some responsibilities. Of course, I've also began three labor-intensive courses that I've been pouring myself into, so I guess I've just shifted responsibilities.

External processing!

I don't think I'm any less responsible, it's just distributing itself differently. Though I feel better about spending more time on school work (+1) I feel worse about not contributing as much to church stuff (-2). Emotionally, I'm living in a deficit. I suffer from Addition Deficit Disorder: I can't contribute as much as I'd like.

I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned here.

I'll leave it to you to figure it out.

Then fill me in.

Glue

You've already seen my classes.

Yesterday, as I was running (be impressed), I considered my classes. And I thought, "Man. This is a lot of theoretical going on."

Then I sat at Starbucks with some friends from school, and we talked about life and faith. And I thought, "Man, this is great."

And it was on my run that I put the two together. And I thought, "I need the people in my community to help me make all this theory actually do something good."

So, thanks to those people, and all the others who help me process what real life is.

Where is Erin?

Dear Internet,

Hello. I know we spend a lot of time together, and I never really talk to you. How are you?

I have to admit, I'm writing with an agenda. I know you have a lot of blogs, and you probably can't even keep track of all of them, but there's one by my friend Erin that's been neglected for a bit. I was just wondering if you knew anything bout that.

Let me know if you can help. I'd appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Dan

Classy

I've begun the new quarter!

- He writes, with an exclamation point. -

Yes, that was intentional. And no, it wasn't sarcastic, though many would likely expect that after last quarter. Why? I'll tell you.

A few weeks ago, I was ready, so ready to be done. I wanted to be finished with school and never do it again. Just get me out of here. But now, I'm rather enjoying it. I think it's because I enjoy the classes I'm taking.

Monday - Missiology in Church and Culture (An anthropological view of missions and ministry.
I've never had an anthropology course, and this seems like it'll be interesting. My critique so far is that the first two weeks were a lot of repetition. I'm hoping we move on to more material soon. I've really enjoyed considering the implications of "form and meaning" in Christian worship, and how that can be a constraint or freeing agent in the local church.

Tuesday - Pastoral Counseling
This should be okay, I think. Again, there's some repetition, which is a little annoying, but makes the reading that much easier. I've gleaned a couple tiny bits of wisdom so far, and drawn some pretty fun comics, "Adventures of Pastor Jim!" modeled after a friend in class and his terrible skillz.

Thursday - Developing Emergent Leaders
This has been the most enjoyable so far, and challenging. It's asking what an emergent leader is, what shared leadership looks like vs. traditional hierarchy, and whether business model leadership is applicable to church leadership because they both aim for a very different end. The conversations in an out of class really add to the discussion.

So, there you have it. It's not groundbreaking, but it's life.

Anybody learn anything lately?

A Rather Odd Go-To

Who doesn't like to be the go-to guy?

For me, it's been a strange few years. And I seem to be the go-to guy for disengaged couples. For those of you who know my story, this is probably no surprise. For those who don't, Surprise! I was once engaged.

Recently, yet another friend joined Club Disengaged. We are many in number, more than I thought there would be. But each person seems to be better off without the wedding than with, so that's a plus.

I remember after the whole incident happened, having this thought that sometime in the future, as much as that event sucked, that something good would come out of it. There's not much better that I can think of than being there for friends who are dealing with a similar issue. It's never easy, but I'm glad to understand at least some of what's going on.

According to a Time Magazine article (which I just read but now can't find), there's an estimated 15-20% of engagements being called off per year. One guess is that people would rather be part of a broken engagment than a broken home. It seems like wise foresight.

Marriage is a serious thing. I hope that we can come to a place where we can get engaged once, married once, and divorced none. Being part of the divorce generation will likely cause the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction.

At least I hope so.

Holy Saturday

I've been thinking about this day since I woke up.

Holy Saturday is often forgotten. Jesus didn't die today. He didn't rise today. Nothing noteworthy seems to have happened. But still, I can't help but think a few scattered thoughts, and scribble them down quickly before scampering to work.

Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

I see the disciples asking a question like this. For hundreds of years the prophets foretold of a Messiah. There were undoubtedly those who claimed to be one. Jesus did. And people believed him. I can imagine the hesitation. "I'm going to follow this guy, but he says he's God. I'm pretty much a heretic for believing this, but I'm going to." And then, Jesus dies. What now?

Hope is in question. We just hoped that this time, it would be it. We would have our Messiah. Today, maybe it would've been better if he never came. Because I hoped. And now I hurt. I don't know if I can trust myself to believe in another Messiah, to love, again.

A return to Advent

I've never made the connection. And I still think this fits in the relationship scheme.

For a while, you're waiting for the right person to come along. Then, you find someone, date a few years, and it's great! Suddenly, it ends. And you're left waiting again.

Jesus shows up, he and his followers have a few years' relationship, then it's over. And the disciples are left waiting again.

Holy Saturday is a day of dashed hope. It's the hope of loving and living shattered to pieces. Believers are made to look foolish. They don't know where they should go next. There was no contingency plan. "We were going to be together forever."

How does Holy Saturday hit you?