Melting Ice Off the Ceiling

How would I describe it?

To one friend, I described the effect of Madi Diaz's voice thusly:

"When she hit those high notes, they're so warm and invasive they rose up to the frozen ceiling of my heart, a part I didn't even know was there, and warmed it; and now that part loves, too."

Hyperbole? Perhaps. Even still, after seeing this performer for the second time, the first being the Ten Out of Tenn tour, I am... mystified. How can one person's vocals, melodies and songs move me to a place of wonder? It was sacred space in there. I enjoyed the opener, Tim something. In my normal show style I did a mental critique throughout. The effect: I wasn't enchanted.

But Madi was enchanting. I hardly said or thought a thing through her whole set. And when I did, I felt like I was shattering a moment, so I stopped again. And the moment was back. (I have to add that Kyle Ryan, her accompanist, does an amazing job - killer voice, tasty guitar skills.)

Okay, so I've got a bit of a crush on her. It's alright, though - celebrity crushes don't amount to anything. Unless celebrities have a great desire to be with college pastors and worship leaders. But the chance of that is like the chance of me writing a top 40 song tonight before I fall asleep, and Michael Jackson returning from the grave to produce it.

Sunday afternoon I sat outside Panini Expresso, and on my table I found a small foam rubber pirate ship with the name "Maddie" on it. No one was around, so I picked it up, fixed the spelling to "Madi" as best I could, and I brought it to the show tonight. I told her it must be for her, since I found it just 2 days prior. She seemed to enjoy that. Then, I forgot to take a picture with her. Le sigh.

The Civil Wars closed out the show, and they were incredible. They are highly recommended, especially after their extraordinarily creative covers of Jackson 5's "I Want You Back" and MJ's "Billy Jean".

Also, the venue was outstanding - The Space in Evanston. I'll be back Oct 30 with a friend to see The Weepies, who just released their latest album, Be My Thrill today! I'm super excited for that, and for tons of other shows at The Space. You should definitely go. It's easy to get to, atmosphere and sound are great, and parking is free!

Recap: Love Madi Diaz, The Civil Wars, The Weepies and The Space.

It's the Perfect 'Tine!

Alright you crazy mans and womans, it's that time of year when I let you know something necessary about Valentine's Day.

Ready?

Today is the day before DV. If you're reading this, there's a good chance you don't have a valentine, or your valentine is okay with your obsessive-compulsive blogging disorder. (OCBD) If it's the latter, you've got a keeper!

If it's the former, don't worry - there's still time!

Unlike school projects, concert tickets, or making a meal to feed 10 of your closest friends and family members in an unexpected pinch, the impending doom of DV being hours away may work to your advantage!

But first, where are we going here? Reader, are you wondering where I, the captain of the Betanarrative, am taking you?

Let's DTR.

I propose that if you don't have a Valentine, and you want one, you have the opportunity to have one still. All you need is someone in mind. Preferably, someone without a valentine.

First things first - Have someone in mind.

As opposed to an old set of guidelines, this year is going to focus on scoring someone you already know as your valentine. It's perfectly harmless, unless you knee them in the face.*

Rather than giving you the "how to" of getting a valentine, I'll give you a "why." Why will this work?

1. People who say they don't want a valentine want a valentine.
It's kinda weird to think, eh? But it's true. Those who don't want a valentine just don't talk about it. Do you know someone in this category? Hopefully it's a person you wouldn't mind making your valentine.

2. Hope springs eternal.
The closer it gets to DV, the more hopeful one becomes. It's funny, because people don't realize they do it, but many folk I encountered even today had that desire to be someone's valentine. And you can be that someone.

3. Everyone loves a good story.
If you can make this DV interesting for the person, they are much more likely to take you up on your offer. There isn't a person who doesn't want to say, "My valentine did [activity] for me, and then we went [place] and talked about [subject]. And afterwards we [verb]ed, and it was so fun!" Imagine the glow on your valentine's face, and the snarl on the other single person's. You could be the start of a great story.

Of course, there is something to be aware of in the area of costs vs. benefits: The benefit of being your valentine for a day has to outweigh the pride of saying, "I didn't have a valentine this year." Sure, it may not sound like something to brag about. But it's a perfect way of telling those couples something nicer than, "Shut your freakin' mouth. I don't want to hear about your fairy-tale life."

The truth is, people want to be wanted. Even if it's not a "real" date, being someone's valentine always makes a person feel special. So, if you've got someone in mind, go ahead and ask. You know why?

First, there's a good chance they'll say yes.

Second, you don't have to spend much. A flower and a meal at a counter-service restaurant will do. I mean, they're not your real valentine. So rather than expensive, just make it quality.

And finally, you're a catch! Seriously, who wouldn't want to be your valentine?

A stupid person, that's who.

Many blessings on your valentine's quest.

Remember, it's never too late!

*The captain of this ship once kneed a girl in the face on a date.

Love Wins.

On my drive home from lunch w/Hammer, I saw a bumper sticker:

LOVE WINS.

It is so simple, yet so hopeful. I know plenty of people who just seem to have a lack of love in their lives. It's most apparent at work with all the talking behind one another's backs.

The situations never get better. It's always worse.

But here, on the back of a car, the simple reminder. Love wins.

It takes time for love to win. Sometimes it seems like love will never win. But I've found that love wins people over. And it's okay when love wins all the time, because when love wins, there is no loser.

At the end of your day
When the sun's put away
May you be able to say,
"Love wins."

How To Find a Last Minute Valentine

So, it's Valentine's Day (henceforth abbreciated DV, because VD is just awkward), and if you're reading this blog and you want a valentine, you're in luck! Today I am divulging privileged information on how to get a valentine, useful for guys and girls!

How To Find a Last Minute Valentine (For Guys)

1. Spot the Target

Sorry, "target" is a little demeaning. The "mark" is a lot better.

So, how does one spot the mark? As you'll read, most single girls aren't out on DV, but if they are, they're the ones who look (a) dejected, (b) pissed at the world, (c) pissed at you, or (d) really irritating. There are also smiley girls out there, but they're too easy to confuse with the already spoken-for girls. Stick with the pissy looking ones.

2. Location, location, location

Most girls won't be seen in public if they're not being taken out somewhere on DV. So, how do you find them? Knock on their doors! This works best if you know the young lady you're trying to swoon, live on a college campus, or work at a hospital or nursing home. Also, try a bookstore. Barnes & Noble typically has the younger, single crowd, as opposed to Borders. And never forget that the employees and cafe folk are often dateable as well.

3. Chocolate

Leave a trail of chocolate starting from anywhere to your front door. They'll show up. They always show up.

4. Ask a Friend

No, don't ask a friend to be your valentine, ask a friend for their friend to be your valentine. I mean, if a friend is really a good one they have to know someone who could be your date. And if your friend owes you a favor, make him give over his valentine to you. It's fair, and most guys would be okay with that.

5. Be Prepared to Pay

If you're going to take a girl out on the otherwise most depressing day of the year, don't make her pay. That's like making a guy clean his crotch after he's emasculated. It doesn't make anyone feel good.

6. Have a Smooth Line

"I'm lonely. Wanna go out?" is not a good line. Try something a little more flattering:
"You're hot. Can I show you off to my friends?"
"I can't believe you're single! I mean, I don't see anything massively wrong with you. I'll take you out, I guess."
"I'd love to have you join me for dinner. Just don't expect me to call you tomorrow."

7. Have Something to Offer

Most girls expect a guy that they would like to hang out with to be a great conversationalist. So, since most guys aren't, this is your chance to shine. Take some heavy medication before you go out, and while you're trying to not pass out, she'll think you're just staying quiet, listening and nodding attentively. If she asks any questions, turn it back into a question, and she'll keep talking, most likely. (If you're heavily medicated, you may want to have her pay for a cab.)

8. Flowers

They're the ultimate gateway drug into having a girl be your valentine.



How to Find a Last Minute Valentine (For Girls)

1. The Face

Look pissed off. That way the single guys can spot you.

2. Signals

Sit in a coffee shop or a bookstore. Send signals that say, "Come on over and chat." The best way to do that is to embroider it into a sweater. That way it's clear, and he'll know you're domestic (which is very important for any male.) Also, if you have the sweater, you can look pissed off and let the guys know you're interested.

3. Meat

If you're the proactive type, just say something about how you love meat to any single guy. He'll automatically say, "Do you want to go get some meat with me?"

Or, if you're really adventurous, put steaks on meat hooks and lure guys in. This works best if you're looking for an actual relationship, because most guys have to be suckered into that sort of thing.

4. Be Non-Commital

Mention to any guy you want to take you out that it'd be nice to have a date on DV, and you're really, really, really, really, really not looking for any sort of relationship. That way he knows that it's safe. The biggest obstacle to dating for guys: commitment. And lack of women.

5. Chocolate

If you see a random trail of chocolate, follow it. At least for a while. But don't eat the chocolate.

That's gross.

6. Dress Cute

The cutest outift ever is anything that has a guy's favorite band, bar or booze on it. Just go be a walking advertisement for everything.

Or wear meat.

7. Drop Subtle Hints

"Why didn't you ask me to be your valentine?" is not subtle. Subtle is something like:
"How would you like ..."
Actually, never mind. Guys don't understand subtlety. Use meat.

8. Perfume

Use meat.

9. Meat

Did I mention the importance of meat?