The One Thing - Relationship Edition

For the first time in a long time, it's easier for me to write what I want to say than speak what I want to say. It's not that it's an emotional topic. It's that my throat is killing me. Talking leads to coughing, leads to breathing, leads to hurting. So, here we go. On the keyboard.


I've had, for the longest time, the longest list of things I was looking for in a girl. Adam once gave the Four S's:

Smart
Sexy
Sense of Humor
Spiritual

Those were good. Then Matt added the fifth necessary S:

Single.

Those would seem like enough, right? Well, I decided I needed to add some more to fit my own liking:

Singer
Songwriter
Short
Short hair
Sips tea over coffee
Socks aren't the kind with the little toes on them...

It got kinda ridiculous. But, really, I'm pretty picky. All my friends know it. It's so much the case that I think I could, with my prior criteria, exclude even the perfect girl.

Recently, I came up with new criteria. It sprung up on me. I didn't even look for it, I just realized it to be true. Instead of looking for all of these little details, potentially excluding, well, everyone, I decided to come up with a much more inclusive criteria. One thing:

Someone I want to do life with.

There have been many times when a girl I wasn't instantly attracted to became cute to me after knowing her for a while. Or her sense of humor came out with time. Or she only owned that one pair of toe socks (which freak me out). Regardless of the initial attraction in any sense,
I've always had a decent sense of who I want to spend more time with. And I think that's a good thing.

So, for all of you who are too picky, maybe you can join me in this new paradigm. Forget the details (while remembering your non-negotiables, which should be few), and think broad.

I mean, who doesn't want to meet someone they can just do life with?

Music Like Marmalade - A blog for music likers

If you like music, check out Music Like Marmalade, a new joint venture in music sharing of the best kind.

What's in a name?

For about 16 months now, my good friend Ian and I have been creating music. It's evolved from harder rock to swingy-pop, and now to somewhere in the realm of pop-folk. Really, the whole thing has been a blast.

The only part of the creative process that has been draining is picking a name for ourselves. We originally were planning on being a band of several people, but we've whittled it down to the two of us, and even still, with two people, we can't come up with a name. Here are some of the most recent suggestions/rejects:

Bi-Polar Bears
Hi-Five and Counting
Wilfred
Greyscale
Greysnail
Mr. Most Likely
Of Lion's Quarrel
Altamonte Sprung

There are countless more. What's in a name? Coldplay? Haste the Day? Hoobastank? Surely Greysnail is just as good. Okay... maybe not Greysnail. But you get what I'm saying?

I'll keep you posted on what happens. We're planning on playing shows beginning in April. We'll be shooting for smaller cafes and hopefully The Union for the Spring schedule. We'll hopefully have a recording or two, some sweet merch, a worthy purpose.

And a name.

The Inauguration of Barack Obama

I am currently watching the broadcast of the inauguration. Joe Biden has been sworn in.

Over the past few months I have experienced something that I would not understand on my own. From spending time with my African-American workmates, classmates and church...mates, I have learned how much this new president means to a people who have not only been the minority, but have been treated as a minority.

I'm Puerto Rican, but I'm considered a typical white American. I'm second generation born in the United States, speak English as my primary language, and have lived in and among white communities.

As I talk to so many different people, especially black Americans (not all are African), I am realizing how huge this event today is, that a black person would be the figure-head and leader of the United States of America. For many of us, it is another president. But for the black community, it is a beacon of hope. It is a prayer for a guiding light. And it means more to some than others could ever imagine.

I've been trying to wrap my head around that, and it's taking quite a bit. The more conversations I have with older people who lived through the civil rights movement, the more I get it. The more I hear from those who are still oppressed today, the more I get it.

I don't know what all this will mean for our country, or for our world, but I pray that this glimpse of hope for some will turn into a united effort to work toward a better world.

Fail #1

I kinda hope this doesn't become a series.
On the other hand, I wouldn't mind.

Today was a discouraging day. As most of you know, I'm a server at a local fine-dining restaurant. The discouragement came about a half-hour after I got to work today.

A few weeks ago, the schedule changed. When it did, I got one late-wait (meaning I am the last server to go before the night servers come in) and one early-on (I am the first night server to come in for the evening). So, two days a week I was given shifts that would grant me a few more tables, meaning I could earn more cash. This was great because it means I was trusted with that increased pressure and responsibility.

Well, today I talked to the scheduling manager. He said they were discussing my performance lately (a couple of not-so-good shifts) at yesterday's managers meeting. To make a long story short, they decided there were other servers more capable to handle the late-wait and early-on. So they changed those shifts of mine to normal shifts.

Fail.

That was pretty hard to hear. Serving is something I've been scared to do pretty much my whole life because I knew I have two problems: multi-tasking and attention to detail. You're probably thinking, "If you knew those things, why in the world would you ever be a server?" It's because I had to challenge myself. I had to see if I could succeed.

Overall, I've done pretty well. I've kept the job, made friends, gotten tons of compliments from tables, and occasionally impressed the management staff. Normally those things happen when the restaurant is slow. But when things pick up, I'm among the first to drop back in the pack.

The good news is that I was told that I was in an "evaluation period" of sorts, so that I could earn the spots back. I really appreciated that. They think I have the potential, I'm just not there yet.

So, that's my first fail of the year. I tried. I failed. But I have the chance to try again and succeed.

I said I needed a challenge, right?

Blogged with the Flock Browser

I've been nationally published!

Ok, that's not entirely true.

Well, yes it is.

A long time ago, in high school, I was dating a friend. Sometime in that relationship I realized that my strong desire to follow the Christian faith did not match her route for a faith journey. Because I was 17, a male, and apparently an idiot, I must have said something to the effect of "God wants me to break up with you." Now, I can't imagine I said it like that, at least I hope not, maybe it was just remembered like that. But the point was there: That the supreme being of the universe figured I shouldn't be dating said girl.

In a new book put out by Smith Magazine, Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak, this little tale was told in six words, and placed in the book for national publication. So, for better or worse, I've been nationally published! I wish it could have been under better circumstances. Something like, "Suave Rican saved puppies. Taught love." Alas, that isn't the case. What joyful or woeful line have I helped contribute to literary history?

"Dumped me because God said to."

The Evolution of Dance

Today, since I am feeling a bit under the weather (again?), head on over to my good friend Viewtiful Justin's page. There you will learn the evolution of dance.

Failing in the New Year

Sometimes you try. Sometimes you fail. Sometimes you succeed unexpectedly. But just because you might fail, does that mean you shouldn't try?

We have now passed the season of giving and charity and entered into the season of making ourselves better. I'm thinking this traditionally started because the season of giving and charity made us realize how ungiving and uncharitable we are. Not being able to tolerate ourselves, it became an American tradition to make New Year's Resolutions.

Sometimes our resolutions have to do with ourselves, our health, studies, whatever. Other times it is relational, how we are involved with family, friends, strangers. And still other times there are spiritual goals regarding prayer and other disciplines. Then, there are just random resolutions. (You really need to click that.)


One thing I don't like about resolutions is my proclivity to fail at them. I normally don't follow through too well. I don't know how many times I've tried doing something physical and stopped. So I hesitate to try the same resolution or goal.

Let's step off resolutions for a second. I think we would all like to do something, or things, that we just don't think we'd be able to do, but would like to. For some reason, we don't have the time, don't make the time, or are too worried about success to try something that might just be amazing. For me, sometimes I think I don't want to try because if I do that, then I'm taking away from time I could be doing other things. Usually at the end, I don't do anything, then the time is really wasted.

Instead of standing still, I have decided this, that life is long enough to try something and fail at it, but too short not to try to succeed. Even if you fail, chances are you've got 60-75 years ahead of you (my readers, at least) to try other things, to succeed and fail. But looking back in 10, 20, 50 years and saying, "I should have tried," means you had a lot of time to recover if you fell on your face.

I don't know what my thing is that I need to try, but I'm sure it's out there. Probably do a tour, or a road trip, or something. But whatever that is, if it goes wrong, I can recover. I mean, even bankruptcy is off your record in 7 years. I'd only be 32! (My parents would love to hear me say that, ha.)

So, this year, 2009, your assignment is this:

Fail.

Fail boldly. Fall hard. Get a few scratches, bruise up, cry to your friends. Then get up, and tell the story of you doing whatever it is you wanted to do. A great story happens when a person does what most people normally wouldn't do. So, go make a story.

Happy New Year,

Dan