Least Likely Places to Meet New People

1. In my room.
2. On my couch.
3. In the kitchen.
4. In my apartment building.
5. The Thai food place on Roosevelt.
6. On my blog.

Grocery Shopping

Who loves grocery shopping?

I don't.

However, I recently realized my financial situation, and I have to prioritize it again.

Any strategies you guys use? I'm sure planning ahead is key. But uh...

Help?

Idol Agenda

I am so upset right now.

Every once in a while, I suspect a serious amount of hidden agenda on American Idol. Tonight's one of those nights. Arguably the best performance of the night (definitely top 2, next to Casey James) was Andrew Garcia.



Did you see it? Good night. It was so good. He reminds me of Israel Houghton a ton, but in a good way.

Anyway, they basically said it wasn't good enough, and he wasn't the "fun," "quirky" personality they saw before. (He sang Paula's "Straight Up" during Hollywood Week.) But they told Lee Dewyze that they loved his tone (which killed me), and barely mentioned his serious pitch issues?

Seriously, what's their agenda? Was anyone else bothered by this, or has anybody noticed this before?

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Visual Thesaurus

What's another word for nerdy amazingness?

VisualThesaurus.com

I'm not going to explain it. I'll just let you see it. Unfortunately, you have to subscribe if you want to use it a lot. But it'll let you play with a couple words. Float the arrow over the dots and such. It's pretty sweet.

Go, word-smiths, go!

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Roommates...

Me: I don't know what to blog about.

Grant: Write about how you have to preach your sermon today.

: I've already done something like that.

: Write about how you haven't read your books, so your assignment is going to be 2 1/2 weeks late. Or write about how you're behind in your pastoral care class.

: Ok, now I just feel bad about myself.

: Write about how you're pooping.

Roommates are helpful for blogging inspiration.

Newton Faulkner. Again.

So. Good.

Alright, I know I've already talked this guy up before, but seriously? He's just good.

I got the new album in from across the pond, and oh my goodness. It's like importing a fine wine, or a delectable chocolate. As I worked today, all I wanted to do was leave, so I could listen to the album again.

So I came home. I grabbed my computer. I sat on the couch.

And I watched George Lopez?

Is my follow-through really that terrible?

I suppose it is.

I digress.

Newton Faulkner is for all you who love great acoustic music, smile-on-your-face lyrics, catchy melodies, and all the best parts of life.

Speaking of the best parts of life:

Taxes and Christian Ethics

Does anyone have moral dilemmas anymore?

I've spoken with some people, Christians, regarding money that goes to the government. There is this pervasive sense that "the government screws us over, so I'm gonna get what I can."

That doesn't fly with me.

Sure, the government may screw us over. But we've signed up to live here. We've got a choice not to.

And then there are insurance companies. They screw everyone over. And I'm sure you can add many more to the list.

But, if you're a Christian, is keeping what you think you deserve part of justice, or lying?

Discuss.

Fryday

This and every Friday for the next 6 weeks: All you can eat fish.

Having grown up Catholic (and leaving with no bad taste in my mouth), I am familiar with fasting from meat on Fridays during Lent. It's a small act of sacrifice and mindfulness about the season we're in.

Certainly sacrificing meat for a day isn't a big deal. Well, unless you're a carnivore. Like me. I don't think a meal really counts unless there's meat. Beef, chicken, pork, bacon. All delicious. All necessary.

But if you're really devout, you can eat fish on Fridays. I have wondered why "fasting" from meat somehow makes an all-you-can-eat fish fry an acceptable alternative. It seems like maybe we've missed the point. This isn't anything new, though. Read any of the prophets and you'll see it's the old, old story of God's people.

Oops.

Anyone giving up anything for Lent?

Justified Guilt?

Help me figure out the appropriate level of guilty feeling.

I'm going to try and rehearse the conversation that happened in my head earlier today. It's stream of consciousness, which is a step-up from a trickle of consciousness, but a step down from a creek of consciousness.

Why do people feel so guilty about missing church? It's like the worst thing a person can do, it seems. I don't see the big deal. Really, I'm just glad when people show up. But then I see people after they miss a week, and they're like, "Sorry..." Sorry for what? I'm not keeping attendance. I'm not offended. And I don't think I ever put undue pressure on anyone to show up. But still, this "sorry" motif is regular. Church guilt is pervasive.

I don't want to go to class. You know why? Because I'm not prepared. I didn't do the work, and it's a reminder that I didn't do well enough, so I feel guilty. So I just don't want to go. Instead of facing up to the conflict, I'll avoid it. Oddly, my professor's never make me feel bad about not reading or being prepared. So, why do I feel guilty? I guess I just know I can do better. This is school and all. I want to do well. I just feel guilty because I'm not doing as well as I can.

There isn't any guilt at the bar. Monday night, if I show up to the Public House, everyone's glad to see me. And when others walk in, everyone's glad to see them. "Hey, I haven't seen you in weeks!" "I know! I missed you guys!" That's the conversation. There isn't any guilt at the bar. No one's keeping track, but no one ever feels bad. What if church was more like the bar, where everyone came when they came, but then they didn't feel bad when they didn't? That'd be nice.

Of course, what's our responsibility for one another at the bar? Nothing. Whether I show up or not, there's no difference. Everyone's there to socialize, so it doesn't matter whether I'm there or not. In class, I have a responsibility to my classmates. If the class is discussion-based and I haven't read, or if I haven't completed my online work, I haven't benefited anyone. I am dead weight that they have to carry along. So maybe there is a reason to feel guilty.

And I guess people are responsible for one another in church, too. We all have responsibility to each other. We encourage one another, hear one another, pray for one another. When a person isn't there, they aren't fulfilling their responsibility. They're breaking their part of the covenant as a member of the community. Sure, you're not going to be around every week, but when someone gratuitously misses, they're letting me down. And when I miss, I'm letting them down.

So, maybe people should feel a little guilt for missing church. By nature it's different than a bar. When people miss, maybe I want them to feel a little bad. Maybe they should apologize for missing. And maybe I should apologize for missing. But when we apologize, if we know why we're apologizing, maybe it can be received. Not, "I'm sorry I missed," but "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you last week." And instead of, "Don't worry about it!" or "It's okay," what if I said, "I missed you last week. I accept your apology. And I'm glad to see you this week. I need you here."? If these words are honest, they may be helpful in our understanding of what missing church means.

That occurred in about 30-seconds in my head.

Thoughts?

The Beige Mini-Van

I pulled up along-side the beige mini-van.

I love mini-vans. They're like big vans, but not as awkward. And they say something about family, rather than those conversion vans that say, "I'm going to steal someone from your family as they leave the elementary school."

I pulled up along-side the beige mini-van.

Beige is a neutral color, though I'm not sure why. It certainly evokes emotion. Not rage, or excitement. Perhaps passivity. That's still emotive, though not in an active sense, I suppose. Beige is far from neutral.

I pulled up along-side the beige mini-van.

What is it with stop lights, and with so many drivers' felt need (including my own) to be the first one off the starting line? Every so often on a 4 lane road, the light turns green and it's like Nascar. Just to get a little bit ahead of everyone else. Then we all hit 50 in the 45, and slow our roll, because really, none of us are that tough. Not me in my beige Corolla. Not her in her beige mini-van.

I pulled up along-side the beige mini-van.

You never know who you're going to pull up next to. I often wonder if it'll be the girl I'm supposed to meet with some awkward stoplight conversation you're not supposed to have. Of course, it'd happen in Spring, when the windows are rolled down.

Me: "Hey, sorry if this is awkward, but you're really cute."
Her: candid smile, head cocked slightly at an angle to avoid me noticing "Why, thank you!"
"You're welcome. Have a good day!"
"Wanna buy me a cup of coffee?"
Both surprised, yet interested, I respond. "Excuse me?"
"I don't know. I thought that's what guys wanted to do when they talked to you at a stop light."
"Ha, yea, I guess that's not too far off-base."
"Well, I'm going to the Starbucks up there. If you want, come on in. If not, have a nice day."
Green Light
"Alright."

She pulls into the Starbucks.

I keep going.

Two people who drive beige vehicles aren't meant for so much adventure.

Besides, the weather's so nice, I'd rather keep driving.

It's the Perfect 'Tine!

Alright you crazy mans and womans, it's that time of year when I let you know something necessary about Valentine's Day.

Ready?

Today is the day before DV. If you're reading this, there's a good chance you don't have a valentine, or your valentine is okay with your obsessive-compulsive blogging disorder. (OCBD) If it's the latter, you've got a keeper!

If it's the former, don't worry - there's still time!

Unlike school projects, concert tickets, or making a meal to feed 10 of your closest friends and family members in an unexpected pinch, the impending doom of DV being hours away may work to your advantage!

But first, where are we going here? Reader, are you wondering where I, the captain of the Betanarrative, am taking you?

Let's DTR.

I propose that if you don't have a Valentine, and you want one, you have the opportunity to have one still. All you need is someone in mind. Preferably, someone without a valentine.

First things first - Have someone in mind.

As opposed to an old set of guidelines, this year is going to focus on scoring someone you already know as your valentine. It's perfectly harmless, unless you knee them in the face.*

Rather than giving you the "how to" of getting a valentine, I'll give you a "why." Why will this work?

1. People who say they don't want a valentine want a valentine.
It's kinda weird to think, eh? But it's true. Those who don't want a valentine just don't talk about it. Do you know someone in this category? Hopefully it's a person you wouldn't mind making your valentine.

2. Hope springs eternal.
The closer it gets to DV, the more hopeful one becomes. It's funny, because people don't realize they do it, but many folk I encountered even today had that desire to be someone's valentine. And you can be that someone.

3. Everyone loves a good story.
If you can make this DV interesting for the person, they are much more likely to take you up on your offer. There isn't a person who doesn't want to say, "My valentine did [activity] for me, and then we went [place] and talked about [subject]. And afterwards we [verb]ed, and it was so fun!" Imagine the glow on your valentine's face, and the snarl on the other single person's. You could be the start of a great story.

Of course, there is something to be aware of in the area of costs vs. benefits: The benefit of being your valentine for a day has to outweigh the pride of saying, "I didn't have a valentine this year." Sure, it may not sound like something to brag about. But it's a perfect way of telling those couples something nicer than, "Shut your freakin' mouth. I don't want to hear about your fairy-tale life."

The truth is, people want to be wanted. Even if it's not a "real" date, being someone's valentine always makes a person feel special. So, if you've got someone in mind, go ahead and ask. You know why?

First, there's a good chance they'll say yes.

Second, you don't have to spend much. A flower and a meal at a counter-service restaurant will do. I mean, they're not your real valentine. So rather than expensive, just make it quality.

And finally, you're a catch! Seriously, who wouldn't want to be your valentine?

A stupid person, that's who.

Many blessings on your valentine's quest.

Remember, it's never too late!

*The captain of this ship once kneed a girl in the face on a date.

Jesus Heals

This is our reading for church this coming Sunday.

Thoughts?

Jesus Drives Out an Evil Spirit

Then he went down to Capernaum, a town in Galilee, and on the Sabbath began to teach the people. They were amazed at his teaching, because his message had authority.

In the synagogue there was a man possessed by a demon, an evil spirit. He cried out at the top of his voice, "Ha! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One of God!"

"Be quiet!" Jesus said sternly. "Come out of him!" Then the demon threw the man down before them all and came out without injuring him.

All the people were amazed and said to each other, "What is this teaching? With authority and power he gives orders to evil spirits and they come out!" And the news about him spread throughout the surrounding area.

Jesus Heals Many

Jesus left the synagogue and went to the home of Simon. Now Simon's mother-in-law was suffering from a high fever, and they asked Jesus to help her. So he bent over her and rebuked the fever, and it left her. She got up at once and began to wait on them.

When the sun was setting, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them. Moreover, demons came out of many people, shouting, "You are the Son of God!" But he rebuked them and would not allow them to speak, because they knew he was the Christ.

- Lk 4:31-41

Pareality

This has been a different kind of week.

Because of some things going on, I feel like I've slipped into a parallel reality. It's like, I'm living the same life, but with an acute awareness of a whole world I never had to pay attention to.

This is intentionally vague. Maybe more later.

Maybe.

A great tip...

is best enjoyed with a great compliment.

"My son here just spent a week in Las Vegas, and he said no one gave him as good of service as you've given us today. Thank you so much. We've had a great time! We'll definitely be back."

Thanks, ma'am. :)

A kind word goes a long way.

What's the last compliment you've received? How did it make you feel?

Snow (2)

The snow is falling
In that kind of television static way
That makes one wonder

Is snow being hurled angrily
to
the..........................my apartment?
ground................swarming
..................furiously
Or are lice

Show Friday!

Here's the latest update from my band's page.

Hey, hey there, all you crazy McFunnigans!

Friday next do you have plans? If your answer is “No,” I suggest you quickly make that a “Heck Yea!”

We’re playing Jenny Lane again! For those tracking our lengthy, illustrious career, you’ll recall that name from our first show way back in the cool-tempered summer of 2009. A kindly mob of near 100 people gathered to experience what many others would experience later on – Poiema!

Since that date, there have been zero reports of negative side-effects from the performance. It did not cause cancer, nor was it proven to be habit-forming.*

We hope you’ll come back out, or out for the first time. We’ll be debuting “Love In,” a hopeful dance-anthem that has the potential to momentarily trouble your little heart before lifting it in a grand crescendo of hope.

Be there, or become an equiangular quadrilateral.

Poiema & David Yaeger Band (davidyaegerband.com)
Feb 12 @ 7pm – FREE!
Jenny Lane Coffeehouse at First Presbyterian Dupage
180 N Webber Rd
Bolingbrook, IL

F.A.Q.

Q: It’s at a church. Is it churchy?
A: No. The fellowship hall, or social space, is used as a concert hall on Friday nights. There is a stage, big speakers, couches, tables, etc. It is not a “religious” event.

Q: How does (I)an rock so hard?
A: He was the first of seven children. It must be a result of his parents rockin so hard.

Q: Can I take Poiema home with me?
A: If you bring a camera or video-camera, you may! Actually, any pictures or video you take would be greatly appreciated! We would love to upload them to the Facebook/MySpace and give appropriate credit.

Q: What’s with (D)an’s hair lately?
A: No one’s said it looks bad yet, so it’s just gonna stay like that until people come clean, or until he’s tired of it.

Q: How do you say your band name?
A: (I)an says, POI-emuh. (D)an says poi-AY-muh. How do you say our band name?

Muchos Smoochos,

(I)(D)an

*Some suggested they later experience mild discomfort, presumably from withdrawal.

Red Mango

It called me, and it frightened me.

Ever seen one of those stores that you're not really sure what it is inside by the name? For instance, I for years thought Tuesday Morning was a breakfast place. You know, breakfast happens in the morning, so why not? Yep. I was wrong. But I did end up finding breakfast.

Red Mango tops my current list of ambiguous store titles. I've seen it tucked over by Jamba Juice and Dunkin' Donuts, but in the strip mall it somehow falls just beyond convenient sight lines, so I never knew what it was. From what I could gather, it's a place where women got their nails done, some sort of salon, or perhaps a fashion boutique.

All of those were wrong.

Red Mango is a frozen yogurt shop. I was right about the fashion, though. It is mighty trendy inside. At least that's what I gathered in the 12-seconds I was in the shop. I was on my way somewhere else, but I had to see what was inside.

What is it that makes us anxious? My first guess is "anxiety." But since I learned in middle school that we can't use the word in the definition, I'm not sure what it is. I was anxious walking into this place, though. Probably because I thought it was a salon, and I totally didn't belong. Regardless, curiosity finally won, and I went in. Awkwardly enough, it was all women. That furthered my females-only suspicion, and I decided I didn't want to hang too long.*

It almost reminded me of Cold Stone. I don't think they were doing any mixing, but I saw frozen yogurt, and toppings of plenty sorts. The on their site I learned that they're really healthy frozen yogurt. And they're kosher. That's cool, I guess. I've never had a jonesin' for frozen yogurt, but if I do I can go there.

I was interested by their probiotic iced teas. Why probiotics? Because they can potentially help your digestive and immune systems. Go fig. And apparently, the antioxidants in tea help prevent against free radicals. Hey, that's what lycopene does!

Now, faithful reader, you know something about Red Mango. If anyone goes, let me know what you think. And if I go, I'll give you an update.

*Wait a second, that's where the women are hiding? Maybe I'll be back sooner than I thought.

Those Little Things - You Got Served, Part 2

There's so much to say!

Rather than trying to put out a massive, all-encompassing dissertation on restaurant life and etiquette, I'm breaking it down into small bits and pieces. That's allegedly how we learn best anyway, right?

First, I'll start with some of VJ's comments.

"Well, the number one rule of being my sever is that I'm funny. If you don't laugh, I instantly feel like you don't care enough."

I totally love laughing at customer's jokes and comments! Having a fun table is actually a way to get your server to serve you better. We try to avoid the ones who put us in a bad mood, so the nicer you are, the more likely you are to be treated with a smile.

But, there are a few things to be aware of:

1. If you're nice, you may not get top-notch, super-fast, blow your socks off service, because they figure you're a little more laid back. And really, you don't mind nice people sitting in your section a little longer.
2. There are times when someone makes a joke, but because of volume, I can't hear what they say. Usually I have to give a courtesy laugh and move on. So, if you're going to joke, make it audible, so they can genuinely appreciate it.
3. Joking is not fun when three other tables behind your server are waiting for stuff. If your server looks like they're trying to cut you off, they probably are. It has nothing to do with you, most likely. The reality is, sometimes a server just has to run around and doesn't have time to talk.

"I heard that leaving change with your tip is rude."

I don't know anyone who thinks it's rude. We just throw it in our pockets and keep going. Here are a few tips on coins, change, slips and tips.

1. Rounding up is always a good measure for bills. You might think, "How important is 50 cents more to a server?" To which they respond, "How important is it for you, if you're not willing to round up to the next dollar?" So, while change isn't obnoxious, it's a kind gesture to simply round up to the next dollar. It makes you look good.

2. It's always appropriate to ask for change for a $10 or $20 if you plan on leaving a better tip. If you really want to be good about it, leave an extra buck as a service charge for your change. It's not necessary, but this isn't about necessary. Oh, and usually servers carry the change on them, so if you take 5 singles and leave them 1, they might have trouble later on in the night. Leave singles if you can.

3. Credit Cards:
a. If you don't sign it, they don't get the tip. So please be sure to leave the right slip, and fill it out entirely. Also, be careful with your math. The tip added and total have to match up, or there could be issues.

b. Biggest server pet peeve: People rounding tips on a credit card without thinking about how much they're actually leaving. If you don't know how to do 15%, do 20% and subtract a dollar. Word on the street is that 18% is the new 15% anyway.

For example: putting "$80" on a "$69.72" check might seem nice, but it's not even 15%. So, 20%-$1= $13. It's 16%, which is much better than 12%.

"I heard that shaking your ice in your glass is the most obnoxious thing you can do. I dunno..."

Most obnoxious? Unlikely. But darn close. How can you avoid the need to make your glass a maraca?

1. Learn your server's name. They'll respond to it. It's better to ask for a refill than to shake your glass.

2. You can make it really easy for both of you by putting the empty glass in a high-visibility spot, like the edge of the table. Your server will get the hint, and even if they aren't around, another one walking by may be able to help you out, because it's an obvious hint.

That last one has far-reaching implications: Make things easy.
If you need plates taken away, stack'em up in an easy-to-reach spot.
If they want to put your food down, move your appetizer plates out of the way.
If they're trying to talk to you, get off your freakin' phone. (Common comment: "If you want to talk on your phone while you eat, stay home or go to McDonald's.")

Call me old-fashioned, but please don't let your kids play video games at the table.

And unless you plan on texting me your order, keep your phone off the table, and out of sight. Have some common courtesy toward the people you're eating with.

More to come. Suggestions on what to address are always helpful!

You Got Served

But did you get served well?

Viewtiful_Justin suggested I write a little about being a restaurant server. It's a job that most every American has seen in action.

But what goes on in the mind of a server?

Are there instant ways you can make your service worse?

Are there simple ways to make it better?

Is it possible to have a true win-win situation?

I'd love to dive into some of this, and I will. But not today. I have a ton to get done and today is a great day to do it all.

However, I want to know, before I begin, what are some of your food-service experiences? Positive, negative, neutral, whatever. Anything memorable? I'm hoping the stories help me hone in my topics and such.

Tell me your serving story.

Oops. (Errand Day)

So much to do.

Groceries.
Bank.
Pay bills.
Dry Cleaners.
Lunch.
Read.
Plan for tomorrow.
Update MySpace.
Laundry.

Who knows what else. I thought I was catching up, then realized when I got to class that I was supposed to have read an entire book and written a 2-page reflection.

Oops.

Then my other prof started talking about the journals we're "keeping". I don't think I was included in that "we."

Oops.

And now I'm blogging?

Oops.

BTW: Anything anyone would like to read a blog about? I know some things about some things, and I'd like to write things people would be interested in reading.

The inbox is waiting. |_________________|

Inter-Denominationalism. "We are because we have been."

"If I was baptized Catholic, how do I get rid of it?"

Posed by a fellow student in my class a few years ago, the answer to this question gets at the heart of inter-denominationalism. (Man, that's a big word. ID from now on.)

There are many different denominations, or brands, of Christianity. There are even churches who claim to be non-denominational (ND). But I have yet to attend a church that calls itself "inter-denominational."

What's the difference between an ID church and a ND? While NDs usually refrain from liturgy and ritual, shying away from mainline traditions in order to jump straight from the text of the Bible to the 21st century, an ID church owns up to its history, and more importantly, the history of its members.

A church congregation is the sum of its parts. Any ND church has the potential to house Baptists, Lutherans, Methodists, Roman Catholics, and more. They become a unified amalgamation of their parts by disowning their respective traditions in order to create a new culture.

The ID church strives for something a little different. Instead of leaving their respective histories behind, each person or family brings their traditions with them. Perhaps a favorite hymn, the sign of the cross, an Easter Sunday tradition, whatever it may be. It could be a prayer, action, or bit of theology. Granted, mixing small bits of theology can be messy, but there is a reason it can work.

ID churches commit to the truths found in the Nicene creed and greater Christian orthodoxy. They are founded and agree on the primary issues of the faith. (i.e. Jesus was a historical person, who died and rose again.) But on issues of secondary importance, diversity is allowed. (i.e. How is Christ present in the Eucharist? Or, Is baptism for infants or adults?)

In an age where (as we discussed in the last post and related comments) orthodox, practiced Christianity is declining, the church is finding ways to survive. Part of survival mode is waving good-bye to small differences and banding together to preserve the foundational elements of the gospel.

So, what was the answer to the question? How does one get rid of one's "Catholicness?"

It doesn't happen. It will always be a part of that person. And it's a part that can enrich someone who can't disown their history.

I'm a fan of the idea of ID churches.

I just hope they all have kneelers.

For your listening pleasure...

My Jan 24 sermon is on the site!

It's in the box on the left-hand side under "Download Sermons." (It streams as well.) As of this morning, it should be the first one that comes up. It's called, "What's Your Story?"

I haven't even listened to it yet, only the very beginning, and I know they cut out a couple preface items I found humorous. Ah well. Maybe on the video.