That's what I thought.

I'm not obsessed.

Really, I'm not. If I were obsessed, I'd be thinking about it all the time. But I don't. Just occasionally. Or even often.

But I think about it enough. Just enough, in fact, that I start to take the matter into my own hands.

At least I try.

The reality is, I'm just taking it into my own mind. The actual isn't meeting up with my ideal. In my head, my situation will change the more time I spend thinking about it, or the more energy I put into changing it. It makes sense, eh?

But there's a catch. (There's always a catch.) My future, the things that are going to happen in my life, the people I meet, places I end up, aren't determined by my volition. I can't will my future into existence. As much as I'd like to, it's just not going to happen.

So that leaves me to make a decision. My options are, keep on trying to control my future by thinking about it, looking incessantly for options, trying to control the situation. That sounds okay. I've done pretty well so far.

But the other option is to remember that my life is not entirely my own. A few years ago, I decided to put my trust in the God whom I believe to be the creator/sustainer of life. And even though I don't imagine the LORD of all creation is moving my life around like a chess board, I do believe that following my calling as a disciple of Jesus will lead me to the places, people and events I need to be a part of.

That's unsettling, because it's uncertain. How does it work? Where's the map? How will you know the landmarks?

I guess faith is more like a compass than a map.* It guides you in a direction, and you find out the landmarks on the way. The future is much more uncertain this way. Will there be a river? Waterfall? Lions? Killer bees? Lions with killer bees in their mouths so when they roar they shoot killer bees at you?** I have no idea.

But I do know the following:

I've never had a map before. And as I look back on the map I've made of the past, I've found myself in better places than I could have imagined.

Why stop now?

Here I raise my Ebenezer, hither by Thy strength I've come
And I know Thy hand will bring me safely to arrive at home.

*Borrowed from Jimmy Long, The Leadership Jump
**Adapted from The Simpsons