Is it OK for a server to talk about oneself at a table?
I don't remember what spawned the thought, but I had it. Is it appropriate for me to discuss my own life with my tables?
Typically the answer is no, and the reason is this: People aren't coming out only for food; they are coming out to enjoy an evening that is all about them. They don't have to shop, cook, clean, get more drinks, anything. They are there to be served, hence, servers.
So, because the evening is all about them, it is a profoundly egocentric event.
Now, I can't complain too much about this. Last night, I planned on challenging this theory. I thought that maybe I would try to make it more of a dialogue than them being the conversation holders and I merely the recipient, ready with a smile on my face to field whatever they threw at me.
My first table, however, was a birthday. Melissa was turning 25. I'm a fan of birthdays, so I figured I'd make sure to serve the table as best as I could.
That is when I had my realization: the egocentric table really is okay. Here's why: As much as the dinner focuses on the table, it is an exchange. Their expectation is to have the night be all about them. My expectation is to make bank. And I found that after I spent all my energy on my tables last night, I made enough money to make it all worth it.
So, really, serving is an exercise in egocentrism just as much as dining out is. It's just that mine is displaced. I'm "serving" others, but really, it's for me.
Thoughts?
4 comments:
That's why it works. You serve for you and they get served for them. If there wasn't anything at stake, there'd be no reason to be a good server.
Where do you serve?
When I was a server I got asked about myself all the time. Hmm. I suppose some people could definitely be coming out for company or just to be out in public as much as simple dinner. But for the most part, I agree, each party has their own schedule. ;) And hopefully both get satisfied.
VJ - Yea. I feel ya. That also explains why the people who stay forever at the end of my shift get worse service. The cost vs. benefit of me serving them drastically decreases when they're the last table, and I've been waiting for them only for 2 hours. (That was last night.) Also, that's why servers work harder than your typical hourly wage worker - if we don't work hard, we don't get paid. Finally, Uncle Julio's Hacienda.
Erin - Maybe you got asked about yourself it's because you're a cute girl. :\ But yea, everyone has their own agenda, and usually when people ask me about anything it's school. But it's always comfortable conversation.
Random story - today a woman was wearing a "PURDUE" sweatshirt. I asked her if she went to the college, or if she really enjoyed chicken. They laughed. Oh, serving...
I think there's a mutual exchange when it comes to serving, but your attitude is what makes it egocentric or not. If your entire focus is on trying to make bank, then yeah, egocentric. But if you're really just focusing on providing them the best night you can, that's not really the issue.
And what would you ask someone wearing a "Duke" sweatshirt? ;)
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