For those of you who don't know, I work at a restaurant. I'm a server. It's great fun most days, depending on the table. I love when people think I do a great job and say things like, "You should get a raise!", because then I can respond with, "That's what I love about serving: You get to give me that raise," and I offer up a huge smile. :D Talk about putting your money where your mouth is, eh?
Every day at our pre-shift meeting we have our "line-up". This is when we all stand before the manager as they check out our uniforms, aprons, bank, pens, everything. We have to be perfect. As you can imagine, not everyone is perfect every day. A common discrepancy is the dirty apron. If you've worked a Friday night, the last thing you want to do before a Saturday morning shift is wash your apron. Over time, everyone has gotten really good at hiding the stains, spots and whatevers. It's a slight-of-hand trick where you can use your server book to cover over them, or do something off to the left so they won't see what's right in front of them. No manager ever knows there's something wrong.
I think there are times when I've noticed that either I or someone else in my life has been playing that slight-of-hand trick, but it's usually not with an apron. It's with life. We line up in front of co-workers, family members, roommates, best friends or who ever else is watching, and we put on a face or talk about the weather because we want to cover up, or at least distract from the fact that not everything is going perfectly.
I think the reason I've seen this play out the most isn't because anyone wants to hide something; there usually isn't any deceptive intent. Rather, I know a lot of people who don't want to mention what's heavy on their hearts because they don't want to weigh anybody else down. It makes sense; no one wants to bring down the mood. But, as I often tell people who do share the heavy things, "That's life." I'm glad to share in the good and bad things.
Being concerned with who you might take down with you probably isn't the best concern to have when you're with real friends, because, really, when you think you're going to bring your friends down, you'll be surprised at how quickly they will be able to help you up. And maybe instead of having to hide your apron, they'll help you clean it instead.
*You get bonus points in the betanarrative if you can name the band who sings this song, without the internet.
6 comments:
Good stuff Dan, thanks. I think it's true that nobody wants to hide. I think we often feel forced into hiding. That's sad. Thanks for your insights.
That's some very relevant teaching, Dan; nicely done. :)
I think there's also a fear of judgment. No one wants to be known as "that person with the dirty apron." I think it may take longer to form those deep, trusting friendships that people need before they are willing to be truly vulnerable.
Oh. And no bonus points for me. I had to cheat and look up the song title online.
Adam - I'm glad you enjoyed. And you're right - it's an unintentional force into hiding. Just like no one wants to hide, I don't think anyone wants to force anyone to pretend things are okay. This is my proactive attempt to get that out there.
Anders - I think you're right. But how long does it take? Days? Weeks? Months? Does it all depend on face-time, clickability, need? Probably a lot. As long as there is someone who is asking the tough questions, I think every person will have a chance to be heard without feeling like they're a downer.
You should download the song if you find it. It's real good.
What a lovely idea! Nice comparison.
Although I am in favor of not hiding things, somtimes it seems right. For instance, at the wedding this past weekend, I didn't tell anyone I was laid off. I didn't want to spoil the wedding, you know? Take the attention away from them.
But with friends? Nah, I don't hide.
Lauren - Thanks! I think you've totally got a point. There is such thing as bad timing, or at least better timing, which would be after the wedding. I'm glad you share with friends. :)
You can't quantify how long it takes someone to feel comfortable enough to share their problems. Every person is different - everyone has been hurt in different ways and has a different amount of emotional baggage. (And as a cop-out answer, God opens up people's hearts at different times.)
As always, we can be messengers, helping people feel welcome and show them that there is someone willing to listen and share their baggage, but we can't unload it for them. It's not up to us.
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